Well I’m back after having a few weeks away from game and I feel a lot better for it. A few weeks ago I went from a state of obsessiveness to fatigue and disullusionment within a few days. Wisely taking a few game-free weeks in the real world, spending time with the family, cleaning the house, lying in the park in the sun and basically being normal I now realise that game has a Cycle of Funk associated with it. Anyone who’s lived abroad for a significant length of time will be aware of the range of emotions you go through when you start living in a foreign country. First is the honeymoon period when all is new and amazing. Then comes the plateau as you adjust. Then come the niggles and the homesickeness. After that you get resentment and after that comes hate. Eventually you live with the hate, you appreciate the good sides and the weirdness becomes normal and you enter the final stage, where it becomes your new home.
Well I think anyone on a game “journey” goes through a similar cycle. I certainly am. Since I got into game, which was in January when I read ‘The Game’, I’ve gone through the following emotions:
Disbelief: This stuff is ridiculous.
Curiosity: Mmm maybe this can fix my life.
Experimentation: Let’s try.
Belief: Oh my god it works.
Doubt: …but for other people.
Acceptance: …oh, for me too!
Sadness: Oh all those years…
Acceptance: I know why what happened happened now. I am at peace.
Gladness: Thank god I found this.
Fervour: Must read everything, must practice.
Obsession: All I think about is game.
Evangelism: Game can change your life, I must tell my close friends.
Scorn: Lots of PUAs are sad wannabes. Lots of PUAs are twats.
Fatigue: I’m spent. I don’t want to see another thing to do with game.
Disinterest: I’ve lost interest. The real world is nicer.
Calm: Time for a life/game balance.
Over the last few months I found my obsession reaching a fever pitch. I set myself a gaming timetable which saw me live through a few weeks doing nothing but reading about game or going out gaming. Inevitably I sickened myself and had to take a break. Gaming four times in one weekend is a lot! The whole weekend just goes in a flash and you’ve done nothing but game and sleep. It can’t be maintained. If you’re working Monday to Friday you need to relax on the weekend. Yes, the sad truth is most people are so knackered from work they don’t have the energy to do what they want in their free time. Modern slavery.
I enjoyed my few weeks off and see it as just another stage. I’ve now calmed down a lot about game and find myself in a strange place. I feel no overwhelming urge to constantly ‘open sets’ all the time. When I think of the weekend I think of relaxing and having fun not running round like a blue-arsed fly without a minutes rest. I still want to get out there and work on getting where I want to go but I just feel…. differently motivated than before. I don’t have such a sense of panic. It’s all do-able. What’s the rush? Now that I know I can get a girlfriend then my panic and urgency seems to have evaporated. In fact I’ve been on three dates with the Venezuelan but I’m not feeling any great attraction building so I actually feel like I can’t be bothered to meet her again. My pre-game self would have been stunned at this. “This is your chance!” he’d have said, quite happy to engage in weeks of boring dating for a chance to acquire a girlfriend. Not anymore. I can’t be bothered. I want something inspiring. Plenty more opportunities will be along soon. What do I want? I tried to write a post answering that several months ago and failed. I think it’s time to have another crack at it.
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