I’ve been “doing” online dating for about six weeks now and feel like I’m ready to make a few initial conclusions. In general I’d say my expectations were pretty low to start with but to my amazement I’ve still managed to be disappointed with the experience. I know some guys seems to have success with it; not me so far. And this starts me off nicely with:
Online dating is game
My initial view was that online dating was somehow easy and that should I not be any good at ‘real’ game then I could always just drop back into online dating and get myself fixed up without too much fuss. Wrong. Online dating is just as hard as bargame or daygame. Fair enough, it’s easier to send a message than walk up to someone in a bar but it’s just a whole different set of problems. I was naïve to think that online game was easy and wouldn’t take much effort. Online game is a distinct subset of game and I think that to get results from it you will need to treat it as such and go through a learning process of many months.
Inefficient
I originally thought that seeing as so many people were doing online dating it would be quite easy to set up dates. Wrong. It takes time and effort and every date you get is a result of countless messages sent and hours spent online. BuzzLightyear told me that from about 200 messages on PoF he got about 8 replies[ED: correction, it’s actually 8 day 2’s.]. I’m using a more upmarket, pay site, and I thought it would be lots better; after all, people have paid to join so they must be more serious. When I was using this site last November in Newcastle I had about 14 women message me in the space of 4 weeks and that was with an embarrsingly Beta profile. It seems that in London it’s a different story. I’m beginning to think my success in Newcastle may have been because in the macho hard-drinking Geordie culture I may have been the only male signed up to the site. In London I get the feeling the site has a lot more men on it. And we all know what happens to a woman’s value when there’s an over abundance of men..
I’ve not carried out empirical double-blind studies here; I don’t have multiple profiles and accounts set up (that will come later). My baseline has been that I’ve had tried two reasonable profiles with reasonable sets of pictures. I’ve been taking a look at some of the mens profiles and generally they are very poor. All I can say is mine is better than average. My pictures are ok and a reasonable representation of me. No big turn offs (me in Lycra, me standing next to a big car, etc).
I’ve sent plenty of messages and my results are something like this.
Reply rate for unsolicited messages: 1/10 max.
Reply rate where I message a girl who has checked my profile: approx 1/5
Now I thought online dating would be the easy option. Not true. If I think of a good day of daygame then in less than two hours you can talk to at least a dozen girls that you know for sure you’re attracted to, you can get a pretty good idea if they’re attracted to you and if you know your stuff then in a dozen approaches you should be getting a couple of numbers and a couple of instant dates. To my surprise I discover that daygame is hands down more efficient than online dating. This is inspiring to me. From a couple of hours wandering round London I can chat to a dozen or so pretty women, catch them off their guard and maybe get a phone number or two and possibly even have a coffee with one. This beats sitting at home sending messages to less hot women who generally don’t reply.
In terms of quality I’d say the quality of woman you can get out on a date from online dating is extremely poor. There ARE super-hot women on the sites, but you can bet they get at least ten messages a day from other guys, and sit sifting through profiles deciding who to humour. Generally I found that most women who viewed my profile were:
- Old. A good 50% were a 35 or older.
- Not hot. Probably a 4 or a 5 out of 10 on the looks department.
- Probably fat. A lot of women don’t put body shots on their pictures
After number closing the odd 7 and 8 from daygame then you can see why I’m less than enthused.
I’ve been doing online dating for six weeks and I’d have to say I don’t spend a vast amount of time doing it as I find it increasingly tedious. I’ve had two day 2’s with not particularly attractive women, I have two more lined up and I’ve had two flake on me.
Saps your frame
Not only does daygame generate dates with attractive women at a far higher rate than online dating, but online dating actually gradually saps the confidence rather than builds it, which daygame does. The problem with online dating is far too much of the power is in the hands of the female. What do women do with power? What would a toddler do with a revolver? Nobody’s going to be happy at the outcome I’ll tell you that.
After you have spent hours trawling through the “catalogue”, reading the same banal profiles written by the same generic women over and over again, and you’ve spent further hours crafting excellent, careful messages only to get one reply back out of at least a dozen you send, and this is only for a girl that you don’t really a hundred percent fancy that much, then you think…. “this sucks ass”.
Online dating is playing the game on womens terms. Daygame is playing the game on your terms. That’s why it works and it builds you up.
Why does online dating favour women so much? Because they don’t send a fraction of the messages men do and there are an awful lot less of them than men with full paid up memberships. The end result is that men, as they actually want to try and get somewhere with it, end up sending all the messages and doing all the chasing.
Why do women not send many messages? This is because 90% of women on these sites are like this:
- They are conditioned to regard temselves as something to be chased and wooed.
- They are not sure what they really want so just browse profiles endlessly looking for reasons to reject men.
- They live in a state of permanent confusion and uncertainty.
- They’re tight and whilst they’d happily give a heroin addict a fiver on the tube they can’t bring themselves to part with sixty quid for three months membership. They therefore make the “free” profile to “see what messages they get”, telling themselves they’ll sign up if a really great guy messages them. A woman pay sixty quid to reply to a message? If George Clooney himself message them they still wouldn’t do it.
Saps faith in womanhood
I’d say that for most of my Game journey so far I’ve learned a lot more about women and begun to hate them an awful lot less. I’ve stopped getting annoyed because women are not something I foolishly expected them to be and just accepted them for what they are. Women’s brains are different. They’re fickle. They flake. They are generally pretty retarded. Their brains are full of shit. I know this and I’m okay with this. After all, I want a feminine, sensual, caring woman in my life. Remember: we are the oak, they are the squirrel.
The problem with online dating is it puts the power with the women and the whole thing ends up being fiddly, false and full of time-wasting. Like anything women end up controlling. It’s tedious and it’s frustrating. Why are there thousands of single women over 30? Because their heads are filled with garbage and they waste time, don’t know what they want and think no man is good enough for them. So what happens online? Thousands of single women over 30, endlessly browsing, thinking no man is good enough for them. Sheesh.. they should pass a law where any woman unmarried by 35 has a mandatory hysterectomy. That’d sort things out.
Look, if you study game and self development a bit you come to realise that yes, women are different, but hopefully you accept this and stop resenting them for it. The problem is that if you become involved in a process where you are at the mercy of this ‘difference’ (i.e. stupidity) regularly, e.g. having a woman boss, doing online dating, etc then you will start to resent women for their failings. You might think chimps are okay (they’re not by the way) but I guarantee if they are put in charge of the zoo, not the zookeepers, then everyone will be miserable and covered in shit. Don’t spend your time in that zoo. You won’t like chimps.
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I don’t regret doing it and it’s been an interesting little experiment. It’s one I’m going to continue and try and find my feet a bit more with.
[Edited]
Brilliant article here recommended by Tim discussing the pay-dating site scam.
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