One of the aims of my sabbatical is to get over the painful part of daygame approaching so that approaching women can become a pleasant, internalised part of my life and when I go back to the daily grind I can rack up approaches as part of my normal life (on the tube, walking to the shops, etc).
There’s more to this than just racking up huge numbers of approaches.
Non-state
“Being in state” is a crutch. If I’m planning to approach as part of my normal life, when I’m on the way home from work, a bit tired, unfocused, then what use is training myself to have to get all pumped up into an artificial state. It does work, but it’s not what I’m after. Walking around doing my daygame I deliberately try and avoid all little tricks I’ve developed to raise my adrenaline and enter that state of altered consciousness which a lot of daygamers use. Be normal. I just want to act normal. I want my state to be normal.
Full committment
The best way to chat to attractive women in public places with ease is to chat to everyone and be a chatty, conversational person and internalize this behaviour. You actually have to be friendly. Being friendly is not in some PUA’s reality but it is in mine. I’ve accepted that I actually am an extremely friendly person and I really like people. Some people. I have a genuine interest in people and what they’re doing and what their stories are. Over the last week I’ve started to try and slough off some of the bitterness and negativity I’ve had for years and just try and be a positive, friendly person and chat to loads of people.
After a few days of wandering round London chatting to randoms and being friendly I can see what happened to secretpua. I mean, what the fuck is going on? Is it the 9 to 5 that kills people’s spirit? Or are the British or Londoners just missing the point. At various points I’ve felt “I can’t believe you can do this for free”. I mean, I love talking to people. Everywhere. And when you do it you start to emit a positive energy and good things happen.
There’s definitely a negative contagious social effect at work in London. People just don’t speak to each other anymore. And the amazing thing is you don’t have to do the same, and if you do start being Mr Chatty then your day will be ten times more rewarding!
Going back to being friendly I would say I value friendliness and I think friendliness is a very attractive quality. Supplicating or needy friendliness is but warmth, interest, concern and caring are. A friend of mine, Suave, is heading back to Brazil soon after having stratospheric success with game in his time in London. Suave is liked by most who meet him and he has great success with game. He’s a very likeable, friendly guy and I think this has contributed towards his progress. It’s not rocket-science is it? Likeable friendly people = more attractive. Stone faced frame-controlling “I’m too alpha to smile” = not attractive.
I’m reminded at this point of something brilliant Ross Jeffries said. He was talking about being friendly and empathasing with women but without becoming an emotional tampon. He said:
“Understand where someone is, show that you understand where they are, show concern and understanding but do not go there yourself”.
As far as I’m concerned this is genius. You can write a book about that. I believe this is what powerful friendliness is. If you can be friendly and open and understand where other people are without being sucked in there yourself then this is incredibly powerful. Too many people fall either side of this marker; they’re either too stand-offish or they’re too needy.
Volume
In building my Mr Chatty persona I think it’s important to approach a lot but not too much. I’m trying to model what my behaviour will be when I go back to normal life but on the other hand I need to make the best use of my time. I currently believe the solution is a compromise. What I’m not doing is machine-gun approaching everything that moves and doing twenty sets an hour. What I am doing is sauntering about, relaxing and chatting to people when the opportunity arises or when I feel like it.
Quality
I’m not trying to close every girl I talk to. That’s the behaviour of someone is not selective. Only if I create a vibe and some energy and feel an attraction will I close.
A typical afternoon
Bearing all this in mind this was how a typical afternoon of mine went down last week.
Left the house around four. Stopped in at the little camping/army surplus shop next to mine. Started chatting to the owner. Helped a customer decide on which coat to buy. Ended up chatting to the owner for half an hour. When I left he shook my hand.
Went to the tube station, had a laugh with the tube-guy about ‘Jubilee Line Roulette’.
Had a sandwich and coffee in the Starbucks at Bond St. 40-something divorcee in willies out xmas shopping asks to sit next to me (it’s tiny and there are almost no tables) and I instantly start talking to her. End up chatting to her for about 45 minutes. It’s so relaxed and natural. It’s great to see her slowly shift from middle-aged bedraggled mum into sensuous woman.
After that it gets a little hard to remember how many people I talked to. I ambled around two big department stores and randomly talked to people, asking how their xmas shopping was going. As long as you’re congruent then people just run with it and will engage you in conversation like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Their was the tiny Japanese girl who I demonstrated chopping-boards to. There was a stuck-up American Asian girl who took a compliment stone-faced and walked off. There was the cute British indian girl who four minutes later smiled her head off at the same compliment. There was the redhead on the escalator who told me about her shopping stresses. There was the waitress in Ed’s diner who, after I talked to her so naturally and so friendly and perked her up could not keep away from me or from looking at me. Then there was the girl who opened me on the escalator.
Yep. I got opened. I was just emitting a vibe, a girl picked up on it and she catches my eye, smiles, pulls our her iPod headphones and opens me. This has never happened to me before. I guess I’ve never walked round being chatty and friendly and talking to all and sundry before. Also I’ve never bought a Sven Hassel book before and that day I had my first, SS General, in my bag. Perhaps the man-aura was emitting out of my man-bag?
Anyway, this girl was blonde, tanned, had a big beaming white smile, tall, strapping and curvy as hell with an ass like a pair of flesh-footballs shrink-wrapped in denim. A beauty and fitness consultant and from Eastern Europe. Instantly there’s attraction in the air. She gives me multiple consecutive IOIs and we even share a tube in the same direction for a few stops. I take her card and tell her I’m taking her out sometime. It isn’t till I’m walking off and hear the door buzzers on the tube go that I realise I’ve made a mistake. This girl was emitting sexual energy like a force-field and was deeply into me. I should have taken her off the tube and to the pub and pushed things forward. Who knows what could have happened? A SDL? Instead I took the crumb of validation and went off happy with it, when instead I should have raised my crumb and gone for a cake.
I follow up with text game and nothing happens. Bugger.
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