Bodi's blog

I was thinking today about the difference between a conversation which builds attraction and one which does not. Being an RAFC this concept has until recently been pretty hard for me to grasp. I just thought that people talked, as per normal, and sometimes they ended up attracted to each other. If pressed I would have said that they found what each other had to say interesting, found some commonalities and thus ended up attracted. I think a lot of manginas think like this. Endless years of social conditioning has killed any concept of masculine to feminine polarity and they end up with a sexless, sterile conversational technique. I remember in my AFC days actually being digusted at seeing men kino women. ‘Sexists!’ I thought (although I’m sure I secretely seethed with jealousy).

Cue endless years of earnestly talking to women to try and attract them. Then ‘talking harder’, more earnestly, displaying more insight, more intelligence, more meaningful opinions. Same result: zilch. I’ve been into game a few months now and have learned a lifetime of information in that time and am now starting to become very aware that there are different types of conversation. Looking back over my last two one-to-one sessions it only took till session two that I started to realise my conversation was a little ‘sterile’. It was hard for me to even articulate it as this awareness was  a new thing to me. I felt my conversation had to be more ‘fun’. During session two I actually managed to have a little fun during conversation. This, I realise, is called ‘vibing’ in the community. It’s banter. It is having fun in a conversation where the purpose of the conversation is not the exchange of information, it is the subtext, the subcommunication.

Reading a little more since session two I come up with an analogy which I think is pretty neat.

Logical conversations are digital. Vibing is analogue.

In a ‘normal’ logical conversation it is (quoting from The Blueprint) a linear exchange of information. An attraction building conversation, which is what ‘vibing’ is, is not concerned with the linear exchange of logical information. It is about creating a conversational dynamic. Tyler describes it as ‘floating’, where you drift, not particularly concerned with any topic, you don’t chase thoughts but you let associations and ideas arise. You exchange them with your partner and the dynamic builds.

It reminds me of conversation with my gay friend T. Conversation with him is difficult as he is incapable of sticking to any one theme for longer than it creates amusement. You say something, he picks it apart, makes a joke, nudge, wink, then makes a connection, often obtuse, and moves to the next topic. Rapid fire, blam, blam, blam. And then you get sucked into the energy and find yourself having a fun, but totally disconnected conversation which in informational terms is utterly worthless. So what T is doing is vibing and building state. Incessantly.

Ok so how do I vibe? Ha! Easier said than done. Ask me in a year. In the meantime if you are an AFC then here are a few tricks which might work:

• Make a rule to never, ever, ask the standard interview questions: ‘where do you live?’, ‘what do you do?’. I mean a real rule. As in you would rather just stand in silence than resort to it. On my one-to-one #1 I asked a pair of girls this and it was like seeing their souls die in their eyes. I mean at the comfort stage it’s probably ok but at the attraction stage I actually think you’d probably create a better vibe by saying “you look like a prostitute”.
• (courtesy of Wisdom) Change questions to statements: thus ‘are you Polish’ becomes ‘you look Polish’ which immediately creates a spark.
• Smile. Seriously. People smile back and it gets more floaty.
• Say funny things. Deliberately misinterpret something they say. Act mock-offended. Whatever. I am generally not relaxed enough yet to be witty but saying something silly is probably better than saying “what do you think of Cameron’s chances?”.
• Tease. “Do you buy your knickers on prescription?” probably being a bit too far.
• Cross the fourth wall. I made this one up so it’s probably shit and it’s certainly a bit risky as it ‘shatters the illusion’ but sometimes if you’re in social situation X then if you make a comment to your target about social situation X then it kind of has the effect of lifting you both up out of it, making you feel special together and creates a little bit of instant rapport. An examples could be “it’s really packed in here, and it seems really superficial as well, I generally don’t like places like this” which has a big hook in it because if she feels the same then it’s worked and you’ve created shared uniqueness, but otherwise makes you look like a dick.