The Poison Pill

It’s not a great name, but it’s what I used to call it.

I was talking to a friend the other day who, whilst a fairly accomplished nightgamer is just really starting out with daygame. He mentioned that he sometimes goes out and only does a couple of sets then heads home, running out of time or his AA getting the better of him.

Bad strategy. I explained that at his very early stage of daygame it’s better to do zero sets than just a couple. You have to do over five. Why? Because with less than a few hundred sets beneath your belt (at least) you’ll probably be crippled with AA (Approach Anxiety) and unless you’re with a good wing or on a bootcamp, daygame will seem very unpleasant. When I was miserably grinding through my first few hundred sets I found that in any given session the first five sets were absolutely horrible. I’d feel like I was being tortured. It was not fun. It was…upsetting and horrible and completely nerve-wracking. My stomach would be churning and I’d be fidgetting and chuntering to myself to self motivate. Why? Because of forebrain to hindbrain cognitive dissonance. My forebrain, the logical part of my mind, had intellectually decided it wanted to engage in the long process of getting results from daygame. However my hindbrain, the primitive engine of habit sitting nearer my nerve stem, wanted me to do nothing new and unusual which caused discomfort. Pitching your forebrain against your hindbrain is an exhausting and distressing endeavour.

The first five sets.
The first five sets.

Sometimes I’d have to walk up and down for ages, willing and forcing myself to have the nerve to do an approach. But what would happen is that after I’d done about five approaches I’d swing to the other end of the spectrum and suddenly be high on state: I’d be loving it. The next five would feel magical. All my AA would disappear and I’d be running round feeling liberated and just running up to any girl I liked and saying anything, and usually getting great responses. I’d then head home buzzing.

The last five sets.
The last five sets.

However the next week when it came time to go out again my brain would try and forget that those last five had been wonderful and I’d just be faced with how I felt right there and then: the stomach churning dread of cognitive dissonance: your forebrain wants daygame results, your hindbrain hates doing the work. I’d keep reminding myself “only the first five are horrible, you have to just swallow this poison pill and there you go.. you’ll get the absolute joy of the next five approaches”. I’d tell myself this again and again as I’d crank out five stilted and fear ridden approaches.. mumbling something to a girl and then pop! I’d be in state. I’d do a few more, usually three to five before the state wore off and then I’d head home. Often I’d fail, and just give up and head home, feeling as shit as my friend often does.

The Poison-Pill plan is not a long term strategy: it’s specific to something people go through in their first hundred or so sets when they’re riddled with AA. The other side of AA is state and while you’re crippled with AA you really should be cashing in on the flip-side of it: easy access to state. The worst thing to do is to go out and just do a few sets, feel bloody horrible and then head home before you crest that hill and at least get one or two high-state, post-AA sets in. All that will happen is that each daygame session will constantly reinforce that daygame is horrible and unpleasant and that you should cease this charade, which is the opposite effect to the one you want a daygame session to have.

Eventually you encounter a whole new problem: the AA starts to diminsh but now you can’t seem to “get in state” anymore. Worry about it when it happens.. it’s a sign of progress.

6 responses to “The Poison Pill”

  1. As a newbie with around 400 approaches under his belt, everything you mentioned here was validation of my experience with the first 100 approaches. All of it.

    The “Poison pill” you’re talking about is a real thing, man! I think after around 200 approaches, my AA was replaced with the “avoidance weasel.” No physical symptoms of anxiety, yet your male hamster starts churning those excuses (“the sun’s not at the right height for me to approach,” etc.)

    Interesting point about not getting into state…haven’t experienced that yet. Had my first Day 2 by the way. Mucked it up by not escalating enough but the joy of the accomplishment outshines the failure (sort of).

    Keep up the good tips!

    1. My problem seems to be a flip side of this. I’ll go long stretches without approaching and then within a couple of approaches (sometimes the first) I’ll have a great set and get a number or Facebook. Instead of building on that momentum I stop. Sometimes the number converts and sometimes it doesn’t, but in the moment I feel like I accomplished my mission. The fact that I met a couple of cool women that I dated for months within my first 100 approaches took the edge off of my desire for more. Now I see that to go for higher quality I need to grind it out to the next level.

      I definitely can relate to the “avoidance weasel” replacing AA to a large extent. Except for the real strong DNA-tug girls, I often focus on a girls flaws, or “bitch face” or how fast she’s walking, etc.

      1. Wow, you dated a couple of girls in your first 100, Nick? Damn, I’m jealous!

        As for that feeling of accomplishment you mention getting on a single close, yes I had that too for a bit. It went away FAST since I had so many flakes. Now a single number close motivates me to hunt hard for another, just to lessen the ego ball-punch of a no reply.

        Good luck on your quality hunt.

  2. I did huge amount of approaches in college environment in indirect direct fashion, my sticking point in the model is kiss closing/3 step physical escalation. I often miss the window of opportunity. I stil kind of try to play it safe which is huge mistake. I am actually enjoying the phase of “dating” and “vibing” so it’s easy to just be complacent and play it coll when I should be already kissing her. I think I am subconsciously afraid I won’t “perform well” in later stages although the fear is BS. This leads to situation when the girl enjoys the rollercoaster of emotions for some time, but it starts to be repetitive and she slowly loses interest and especially respect for you.

  3. […] I’ve decided to do just one long day game session a week. I’ll spend up to 7 hours daygaming on either Saturday or Sunday. This gives me enough time to open lots of sets and take the poison pill. […]

  4. There is a small percentage that never suffered from AA. They are just able to get out and get on with it without mental anguish the majority go through. That is a quality situation to be in.

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