I was talking to my old mate Jimmy Jambone last night about my recent dates. “The problem is” I said, “I’m overcompensating: I’m going way too far in one direction”.

The last couple of dates I had were with very hot Russian students, 23 and 22 years old (the second being the TYHOG). I remember each date being intense, almost like a test. The girls would sit, not so much enjoying the thing but certainly rapt. Hours would pass and I’d lay the pressure on more and more. I’d work my escalation up, picking them apart psychologically and demonstrating mastery. I’d relentlessly pull them off the fence and be asking them pointed questions. Each date failed. I couldn’t seem to get the spark and the makeout (although of course I tried). As soon as I ‘gave up’, decided I couldn’t be bothered anymore and then just went to normal chit-chat the release of tension was palpable. Suddenly, the girls became happy. We chatted. They were smiling. I felt releived that I’d at least “done my bit” and proved I wasn’t a pussy afraid to escalate. In those last few moments, sadly as we were leaving, there was actually a feeling of closeness, like we were old friends meeting.

Walking the girls to the bus stop I released I was enjoying this bit more than the whole previous part of the date, which had seemed confrontational. Hang on… I told myself. Wouldn’t it be better if nearly the whole date was just like this bit, and the intense stuff was just sprinkled in now and again? Of course it would.

My problem is that I come from being a total chode, who would do nothing but normal talk on a date. And I literally mean normal conversation, the same as I’d do with friends or old people on the train. Polite, normal conversation. There’d be zero man/woman vibe. I discover escalation, I discover self confidence, I discover a deep psychological understanding and skillset and I discover girls who turn up ALREADY FANCY YOU. I then go way off the scale in the other direction. I get too clever with things. I stun girls by explaining to them what kind of person they are. I hold ultra-intense eye contact. I force them to admit what they like about me. It’s just too much! Too much!

Jimmy interjects as I explain this. “You don’t even need to escalate like that” he tells me. He then outlines to me some of his escalation material. It’s a lot more jolly, silly and good humoured than mine. It’s all quite slap n tickle.

“blah blah blah… sorry, oh dear me… those legs are… .so divine.. oh dear! did I just say that out loud? anyway…. blah blah blah”

and later

“oh dear oh dear… silly girl… if i was your teacher I’d have to put you over my knee and spank you….blah blah”

A good black and white test of dates is this: is the girl laughing? If a girl is laughing a lot then dates are going well. “trying to get sex on a date is what amateurs do” explains Jimmy. I think he means you have to be zen. You forget the sex, and concentrate on the vibe, the fun, the bubble and the closeness and then sprinkle little bits of escalation in, and then the sex just happens.

My goal for upcoming dates is this: make girls laugh and make us feel close to each other. Make the ‘bubble effect’. Dial down the intense stuff. Dial down the showing-off about how much psychology I know. Still lead. Still be dominant, still be masculine. I create the bubble, it is my reality. I lead, but it is a wonderful, fun bubble in which the girl can run and frolick on the grass in complete safety and enjoy herself. It is not an intenso, hypno, draining experience.

16 responses to “Overcompensation”

  1. The game on a date is 10%, the rest is just being normal.

    Don’t focus on sex. It’s what amateurs do. The goal of dating is to get the girl to surrender to your benevolent masculine frame, because when that happens, you have the lot.

    If she’s a quality girl, you want to bang her again. Nobody one night stands a 10.

    So the mop head focuses on just getting the lay because he has no experience with quality women, he’s banging average women, the cool fucker focuses on getting the girl to surrender to him because he’s banging hot women.

  2. and he’s learnt by now that in order to see them again, he has to lock them in.

  3. Less superficial Krauser, Roosh or Torero “techniques”…more Jabba, Marshall…these two are perfect role models in my opinion…
    and also, don’t assume you can outsmart the mainstream in other areas like fitness, just because this is possible in game.
    I warn against conscious caloric restriction, whether it’s paleo, IF, low carb…been there, done that, long term effects: lost energy, fitness OCD, bad relationship with food, regained weight…I’d try to eat what you want, sleep, progress in a gym, walk. You’ll have more energy for pickup and look great.

    1. Ondrej, your comments are increasingly pompous and Gamma, with you doling out advice without persuasion. Secondly, Krauser and Tom are my friends and I can guarantee you I know their game better than you ever will. Do not come on my blog and run frame-control: leaving comments disparaging my friends, or you will find yourself banned.

      1. I just gave my opinion. The way your post is written, you essentially ask for advice. It’s up to you to evaluate it but ad hominem attacks/bans aren’t necessary. If you read between the lines in Steve’s book there are many moments when Krauser tries to promote technique – like “breaking the 4th wall” or “elephant in the room” – and Steve patiently explains why this is way less powerful than the stuff he does. I bet Steve is getting hotter girls than Tom/Nick consistently. You can’t deny Tom’s and Nick’s game is more immature than Steve’s, because it stems from old school pickup. I mean, does Steve use Questions Game as a technique or does he create the Love Bubble? Parody Brute? Granny Call? Hand reading? Boyfriend material Jacket? Conscious Push-Pull? Etc.
        One big meal a day, that is 2009 blogosphere “diet”. As someone who studied patobiochemistry at med school I thought I’d save you some time/effort with that. Any dietary approach can be justified by few clever PubMed citations. It won’t make you a Warrior.
        I noticed something was off when I sent you that picture of my girl. It felt like you didn’t want to see me anymore because you didn’t have a girl like that in your life at that moment…If I feel it, girls feel it 100% more. I wish you get to the position of Steve – as explained in his latest article – where you are threatened to be banned on manosphere sites immediately, not the other way around.

        1. It’s a funny old world. Please do not comment here again.

  4. Great post, it remember me that all the best date I had, in which I ended up sealing the deal, began with the same mindset: This girls is awesome, dude, forget about the pua and just enjoy the fucking moment.

    From my point of view, technique and methodology are awesome for chode or any beginner, because it’s what allows them to evolve to something better, but once you reach a certain level of confidence, abundance and general knowledge about women, the only thing you really need to do is, to let it go, be yourself and have fun!

    Of course, you first need tools and experiences on which you can build that confidence!

  5. I’d be willing to bet that Krauser and Tom date the girls they want to see again differently than the girls they just want to sport fuck. It’s the same principal.

    Whatever they do, I suspect they know what they are doing 😉

  6. The superficial Krauser, Roosh or Torero “techniques” came to prominance because most girls that you get on dates when doing large numbers of cold approaches are complete cunts. They have the mind of a little kid, nothing to talk about, and just want to sit there and be entertained. If you don’t “entertain” by becoming mr.interesting or mr.clown she’ll be bored to tears and you won’t get to the next stages. It doesn’t matter how manly, outcome independent, or care free you are. These bitches want entertainment. All these little gambits like “questions game” are meant to provide entertaining filler in the dates since she sure as fuck isn’t going to ante up any value or try to fill any voids.

    The whole “be yourself, be normal”, yea that definitely works. But only with girls who share similar intellectual prowess and interests as you do. Why do you think most regular people only date and hook up with people who live very similar lives and share similar interests?

    When you are a “PUA” you open massive numbers of sets and go on endless numbers of dates. When the goal is to get massive amounts of lays and never worry when your next lay might happen, you have to be able to “entertain” and fill voids with women whom you share absolutely nothing in common with. Just being ultra manly and sitting there on your thrown of manliness only goes so far. Sure it can get you into the interview but it won’t get you hired.

    For example this blog post. What does Bohdi have in common with a hot 20 year old russian girl? Read his post about what it’s like to be a hot 20 year old girl. A good bit of it is correct. Now what does this 40 year old lone wolf international gamer have in common with this 20 year old woman? NOTHING. THEY LIVE ON DIFFERENT PLANETS. There is NO FUCKING WAY he is going to just “be himself” and naturally vibe with this woman. The fuck is he going to “naturally” vibe and talk to her about? The struggles modern men face? Fucking hot asians? Steroids? His quest to get a six pack? How approaching is a hard business? No fuck face…. he’s gotta bust out the tool box and go for bullshit like “questions game”… intellectual mastery… specially crafted fluff talk.. maybe elicit some bland facts from her expand them into open ended questions with long answers so her blab gates open ( a sales/game tactic, not something natural )…. and and then ballsy escalation gambits to move things forward.

    I feel a giant part of true game is being able to artificially “vibe” with any girl regardless of her background or interests. Just like truly good salesmen can sell a shit product to someone who wasn’t even in the market to begin with.

    Sometimes these “be yourself” dudes make me think one of two things:

    1. They have been pulling Good Looking Guy Game their whole life and know nothing about real game. Good Looking Guy Game is like a dude selling an iPhone 6 to an apple fanboy for half price. So long as the salesmen doesn’t fuck up massively it’s a done deal.

    2. They don’t game or approach or go on dates to begin with.

    Show me an average looking guy in a niche completely opposite from the girl he is banging ( business/lawyer dude banging a rebel goth chick ) and I’ll show you a man with “game”.

    Excuse my bad grammar and rant like formatting. I hope somebody reads this is has an “ah ha” moment.

    1. @Poo – a sucessful confident man is a rare thing that is attractive to women. If Bodhi is this, or is on his way to becoming this then he’ll have no problems.

      Not having a go, but I get the impression from your tone that you might have always struggled a bit with women.

      You could argue till you are blue in the face that a white English speaking guy has novelty value in Russia, Asia, or South America. But then you’ve got to ask why more men can’t do this. Mainly because they are chained to a desk and are not allowed much time off work. Which comes back to the confident sucessful man point above. Just by being there he is showing that he has options that other blokes don’t.

  7. Nice post. I guess also that when you just chill out and chit-chat normally the girl senses you aren’t trying to impress and aren’t pushing for sex. Which is inevitably what most guys do on dates, hence her radar for these traits will be super-sensitive. Did you find that when you stopped laying it on thick she became less defensive and had less of an ‘I am the prize’ attitude?

    My experience has been when I just sit back, chill and stop ‘pushing’ or ‘trying’ so hard then the defensive shields come down, she relaxes and opens up. Thus she invests more on the date, which she will backwards rationalise as being into me more. Plus she will wonder why I am not really trying to impress her, which will inruige her as well as have her flirt more to paw for validation.

    Of course you still need to lead and escalate but as you say it really just needs to be a sprinkle rather than a full blown assault. If you are enjoying yourself on the date (yes guys, you actually CAN enjoy yourself on dates) then what’s the rush to bang the girl? Just let it happen naturally. Tho obviously still leading and putting the logistics in place to facilitate that ‘natural’ progression.

    A good point you make is the fact that if a girl shows up on the date she already fancies you. Sounds obvious, but so many guys forget this and are still in the ‘trying to win her over’ frame on the date. She wouldn’t have shown up (and blown off the other options she has) if she didn’t already like you.

    1. Dude, sometimes women go on dates with men out of boredom. Just because they show up to a meet doesn’t mean they are into you. Ever hear of friend zone? Ever see the posts Krauser has written about time wasters?

      When I was younger and sold cars people would come to the lot all the time just to fuck around and ultimately not buy anything. We learned techniques to screen these fuckers out, just like PUA people screen out time wasters ( if they are good ).

  8. That was a fun rant from Poo. Bravo!

  9. Great post. been there, and sometimes still there. completely agree.

  10. […] I love this advice you gave to Bodi: “The game on a date is 10%, the rest is just being normal. Don’t focus […]

  11. Gee I enjoyed reading all this. Very funny comments from Poo

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