Further wanking theories

Talking to Krauser yesterday about our masturbation habits I realised that perhaps pig-frigging can be used as a tool at various stages of the courtship level.

At my level:

Deny the pink-faced door-to-door salesman the rubdown he desires and abstain, only indulging once per week, on a Sunday night (“Wank Night”… like that scene on ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin”) once my weekly sarging is done. This strategy lets my sexual energy climb all week  and gives me more testosterone, more energy and more lust for my weekend sarging which makes me approach more and possibly makes me that few percent more sexual.

At Krauser’s level:

He’s already got a hottie on the boil. Her hindbrain is begging for cock but her forebrain is all confused, struggling to handle the torrent of raw, animal lust Krauser’s throbbing sexual aura and grotesque swim-shorts have unleashed in her. Only with Jedi-like self-control can he not blow the deal by being too outcome-dependant and pushing her just that little too far giving her retarded she-brain the chance to freak and run. What can help with this outcome-independence? Wanking. Dr Bhoddi recomends two good, solid hand-shandies before the meet up, followed by “safety wanks” every 30 minutes during the date. Crack them out in the bogs.

So in conclusion..

Need to approach more and be more sexual:

Wank less, and only after your weekly sarging is done.

Need to be less outcome-dependant and take sex off your mind

Wank more. Keep the tanks bone-dry.

2 responses to “Further wanking theories”

  1. “Talking to Krauser yesterday about our masturbation habits”
    There goes the reputation.

    1. what reputation?

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