Me and Suave found ourselves in a clothes shop a few weeks back and this really got me thinking about how crap my wardrobe is at the minute. Living abroad for years I didn’t have much chance to “shop” and used to just stock up on T-shirts at Gap on my trips back. Not good enough for the urban sophsticate I think.
Bored with game on Saturday I wander into Zara and start browsing. The guy on the changing room is camp and confident and I start ‘gaming’ him. Not really game but just being sociable, funny and connecting with people. A strange truth is dawning on me, that I am actually a very sociably competent person, except with females who are anywhere in my target range, whereupon I am nicely stilted.
Me: I don’t want to use this changing room
Gay: why?
Me: The lock’s broken. I’m frightened someone might peep
Gay: [squeals with laughter]
Me: Will you protect me?
Gay: [even more squeals]
At no point did he not realise I was straight, but I have had plenty of gay friends and I can vibe with them so easily, in a way that if I did this with women would result in major flange. Why can I not vibe like this with women? Maybe this is the secret. Pretend all attractive women are gay men?
End result of my vibing was that I was in Zara for two hours and this guy, the manager, essentially gave me a personal shopper session. I was sitting like a lord in the changing room and he was off rushing round the shop getting “ideas” for me to try on. It was great and I had such fun.
The end result felt incongruous, but this is good, because at every major fashion shift a person makes the new clothes intially feel very strange. It takes a few weeks before you realise their awesomness.
So, gentlemen, I present the pimping up of Bhodisatta.
Old Me
Verdict:
Minimum level of smartness. Shoes pretty shabby. Jeans not very smart. No big effort made. Not terrible though.
New Me
Verdict
Fuckable.
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